~ this is the first of my old posts extracted from my old blog site. i especially wrote this for my Dad, in his memory.
“ I look at life as a gift of God. Now that he wants it back, I have no right to complain”.- Anonymous
We don’t have control on most events. We all experience emotional pain in our lives. Someone close to us will eventually die. A friend or a lover will betray us. We will lose our jobs or not get the one we really wanted. And I have difficulty with processing these issues.
Two months ago I called my dad wanting to know how he has been being in the hospital. After the usual talk, we said our "take cares" and hung up, not knowing that it would be my last conversation with him. All I knew was that each time I talked to my dad, his voice sounded more tired, and I was beginning to accept that it was no longer if, but when, the day would come that I wouldn’t hear it anymore.
My father was the strongest figure in our house. We all depended on him as he ran the house remarkably well the best way he can. He was an intelligent and honest man, quiet and barely associates with people. He takes pleasure in the company of few and chosen ones whom he trusts and depends on. He and my mom was a success in married life. The years had held many valleys and peaks for them as they raised us, their three children.
I remember how good it felt when my dad used to cuddle me up on the couch when I was little or carry me in his arms. I can still remember how strong his voice was and how safe I felt. As the youngest, I take pride in saying that I was his favorite, daddy’s girl, yes I was and will always be. As a child, he used to tell me lots of stories and taught me important and essential lessons in life as I grow along. We exchanged opinions and perspectives on political and economic issues ( we both love to read the daily paper). He believed in my strengths and capabilities and showed unwavering support and love as I trudged along the roads of my journey. But most of all, we shared the same dreams, dreams that we created and interwoven as the years we’re passing by on us. I couldn’t explain all of the millions of ways he makes me feel so special.
That fateful November 12, my dad passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. I felt my world had stopped and crashed around me. I had my first taste of dealing with death, and losing someone I dearly love. But when I looked at him he looked so happy and serene. He went to Heaven that day. He seemed to know he was going and was happy about it. I rejoice to know that he is there, with Jesus, well and whole, and that I will see him again one day. He has led a simple yet meaningful life that inspires me to live mine to the fullest.
As what in one of the Grey's Anatomy episode conveys, "Time takes pleasure in kicking our assess. Even the strongest of us, it seems to play tricks, slowing down, hovering until it freezes, leaving us stuck in the moment unable to move in one direction or the other. Time flies, time waits for no man. Time heal all wounds. All of us want is more time. Time to stand up, time to grow up. Time to let go. The reality is, pain is there to tell us something."
My life has changed dramatically. From now on, I will invest in the people in my life that I care most about. I’ll face life with less fear than I did before, knowing that life only comes around once and somehow things will work out. It is clear that I am more settled person and possesses a true sense of meaning.
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