Melancholy

There's way too much I could think of on how to start this blog. Its been a while I know. So much has happened. I absolutely think things are meant to be broken. And I am destined, to confront exquisite pain in the strictest sense. Promises are broken as fast as they're made. Anything can transpire in a flash, in a second, in a heartbeat. Nothing is promised and surely nothing is guaranteed. Imperfect. Chaotic.

I do not intend to evoke a poignant post, but the way life has been presenting itself recently simply sucks! We can't have the best of both worlds. We basically can't have the best of everything. This maybe a little too overrated but its in accordance to reality. As much as I want to stay positive, circumstances failed me massively. People deliberately say or do things that hurt. Cursing the world is an option but I'd rather not.

I am apparently good in pretending like it wasn't a big deal when really it was breaking my heart into pieces. I have mastered the art of putting on a brave front to hide my disappointments and frustrations. I maybe smiling on the outside but I am broken inside. I have been through a lot of painful experiences in life. One of the saddest things to realize is that certain people are just not who they used to be. The people you once considered friends are now, at best, strangers. The dissolution of friendships is a despairing reality. The previous weeks has been tough and my emotions are everywhere. I hope i could go through this phase and brave it with flying colors.

I vowed to look at things from a philosophical view or standpoint. Life is a one time offer, utilize it well. Love harder and without boundaries. Forgive more and forget what hurts you. Love is painful, but the pain would always be worth it. No matter what, always choose love. On the days of struggle, learn to count blessings on repeat. There are just too many good things to be ungrateful. Easier said than done i know, but healing is a process. And, we must trust this process. It may be hard now and may not make sense but it will someday. Cliche as it may seem, i believe everything happens for a reason. Our experiences are designed to shape us, define us, and hopefully, grow us into the strongest we can possibly be. Life is too short to waste time on hating and and being miserable. Laugh, apologize, forgive and let go...

My piece on superstorm Yolanda/Haiyan

Leyte, for me, is synonymous to San Juanico Bridge, Gen. Douglas Mac Arthur (with the famous "I shall return" line) and Imelda Marcos. It was November 8, 2013 when super typhoon Yolanda/Haiyan unleashed its might in the once-serene province of Leyte. Tacloban City, being its capital, was one of the worst areas hit by the deadly storm surge, and so with the other coastal towns, including my hometown Tanauan.

I am certain, nobody calculated that the storm will induce a destruction as massive as being strucked by a nuclear bomb. To the locals, having experienced countless typhoons, they thought it would just be another storm passing through the islands of Leyte and Samar. My family and I thought so too. I did not have yet a better understanding on the gravity of the situation, until i saw TV Patrol on TFC. The first glimpse of the aftermath in Tacloban, the ground zero, left me dazed and confused. Having grown up in the region, i could barely recognized the place that was once so familiar. The streets were lined with fallen trees and cars thrown like tumble weeds. Debris of every type and size filled every corner there is to see. Dead bodies littered the streets, uncollected. People were getting hungry and desperate. Its as if I was seeing things in a different  time and place. It was no different in my hometown Tanauan. The scenarios were just as seemingly hopeless and devastating as it was in Tacloban City. Communities of several thousands of people were flattened with an enormous loss of lives, property and infrastructure. The effect was really unexpected and unprecedented. The horror of the storm's wrath continued to unfold day by day before my very eyes with the vivid footages and photos of the media and social networks. CNN was feeding a more in depth coverage. And it was, oh my Lord, very painful to perceive.

The past four days after the storm's rampage were spent with sleepless nights, endless crying and anxiety. Not knowing if my family survived this horrific ordeal was way beyond my capability to deal with adversities. Keeping my composure and sanity at work and home was a struggle. I prayed like i never prayed before, and held on to the little hope that was left of me. I was basically tired, wearied and broken. People and friends have been trying and striving to pacify me as I weep like a lost child. It was after five days when i finally acquired an information about my family's whereabouts. They made it, alive. Praise God! The sweetest piece of news i have ever received in my entire life.

A couple of weeks after the strongest storm on record left my province in ruins, communication lines has slowly been restored. Listening to my sister and my childhood friend as they narrated and recounted their worst encounter with a typhoon, made me teary-eyed. They survived the tsunami-like storm during the onslaught of the typhoon. Each of them endured and withstood the storm's fury and all came out alive and in one piece. Like a thief in the night, the monstrous typhoon caught them off guard. They've been to hell and back, and now recuperating. Each has their own story to tell on hope and despair.

“God must be somewhere else when Yolanda struck,” Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte was quoted saying after he saw the devastation in Leyte. I wanted to believe the same thing too. I wanted to bombard God with questions on where was He and why did He allow all these to happen. But NO, who am i to doubt God's will? As a human being, i cannot and never will i be able to fathom the depths of His wisdom. It would take me a lifetime and beyond to discern and rationalize the whole concept of what He has done. God is too wise to make a mistake. I believe we are being tested by God to see how strong and how far our faith would go. Faith in Him should not only be during good times, but precisely in bad times as well.

Inspite and despite of, God is genuinely good. There will always be a reason to thank Him. Everything happens for a reason. Sounds cliche i know, but an absolute truth. Life must go on. We pick up the pieces and make do with what's left. Let us move on. May it be forward or backward, it doesn't really matter as long as we are moving on, slowly but surely. In time, God will heal spirits that has been crushed, beaten and broken.

Lessons learned. I came to realize that a beautiful life now means having an intact family. It no longer means having a house, cars and all other material things that goes with it. They are just but fleeting and temporary. No color, creed, race and distance can derail unity and love. The outpouring of assistance from nations all over the world and international communities are just overwhelming. Back home, help is visible and felt in almost every corner, may it be big or small. We are after all children of God in one planet.

I yearn to see my place snap back to its old form, happy and livable. I long to see its people back on their feet and with smiles on their faces once again. I pray for better days. I pray for complete healing and peace of mind. Its a long road to recovery but we'll get there, one day.

Lastly, i hope to see McDonalds (after being wiped out) rise again in downtown Tacloban. One of my simple joys in life. Hahaha.. :)

San Juanico Bridge - connecting the islands of Leyte and Samar

Leyte Landing Memorial Park

Note: All photos were taken from the web. The blogger does not claim ownership of the photos used in this blog.

Will work for travel

It has almost been a year since my short visit to the UK. It is my second time actually, 2007 being the first. I had wanted to blog about the two trips but truth be told, work kept me awfully busy. So i might as well accomplish that when my schedule permits. I honestly love London and could see myself living there one day (in my dreams huh!). The sight of red telephone boxes, the London double-decker buses, with the sight of the Big Ben and London Eye enthralls me. The Harrods in Knightsbridge is so posh that i wouldn't miss it for the world. Marks & Spencer (M&S) food hall never failed to make me a happy foodie with their digestives in simple and classic packaging. I felt a pang of disappointment when i finally laid my eyes on the London Bridge (made famous by the nursery song), for there was nothing grand about it, just ordinary. The Tower Bridge is far more visible and magnificent in the night than London Bridge, which people often mistake it for. The London underground can be a daunting experience for first timers like me. Got myself an Oyster Card and a confusing Tube Map enough to drive me crazy! I would oftentimes find myself looking for a bench so i could sit down and figure out how on earth will i survive this maze. After days of using it though, i was getting around okay, thank God. That would be about it for now. More of my UK experience in my future blogs.

And yeah, I have a bucket list of places/cities i would want to see given the chance. I wish not to leave this world with the  list still containing several unfulfilled desires. And i hope that the idea of traveling with someone i love next time, is not too much to ask.







Tower Bridge

London Underground Map

 Note: All photos were taken from the web. The blogger does not claim ownership of the photos used in this blog.
  

God’s messages:

       

Forgive others. To forgive someone else’s shortcomings is to heal old wounds. This doesn’t mean it need be forgotten, as it is a lesson learned, nor does it mean to allow it to happen again. It only means to forgive, and to allow it to heal.

Never regret or dwell on yesterday’s mistakes or decisions.  They are a part of the learning curve that is called life.  The greatest gift you can give yourself is to start each day anew taking what you have learned from yesterday, putting it to good use today, and bettering yourself and your life with it tomorrow.

Hope will turn the cold into warmth,  your weakness into strength, and your sadness into joy.

Give yourself some time. Whether you need time to think it over, time to heal, time to have fun, or time for doing nothing whatsoever, it's yours if you just give time to yourself.

It is important to take time to see the beauty in the world that surrounds you. Watch a sunrise or sunset, observe the vibrant colors of nature's changing seasons, or count the stars on a moonless night. Enjoy the gift you have been given of life on this earth and all it has to offer.

All things are possible for those who believe.  Faith is sometimes the only thing you have, but what a gift it is.  With faith you can press on in the midst of adversity.  Have faith, and it will light your path.

when love failed

sometime in february 2009, i wrote an entry on love. being a girl who read books and watches movies a lot, i often daydream and pretend to be 'in character' in a fictional plot. though it might sound silly, believing in what seems unreal seems to satisfy my fascination of the make-believe world. my most favorite theme of all time: love story. these 'happily ever after' stories has given us too many unreasonable expectations such as finding our prince charming or perfect lover.

 i suppose we all, at one point, experienced falling in love. its one of the most amazing happenings in our life. it seems we cant get enough of it. falling is all about coming down, descending. love, on the other hand, has an uplifting power, so powerful that it can give you wings. then again, if you give it a deep thought, the phrase 'falling in love' certainly makes some sense, because the execution of falling eventually ends up in hitting the bottom. the prodigy is all too perceptible. you meet some special guy. magical moment happens. you're flying. overwhelmed by happy emotions, bliss and jubilation.

inevitably, however, the falling ceases. what goes up, must come down. you land, hard and flat on the face. all of a sudden, the love of your life proves less than worthy. their flaws becomes apparent. and so begins the tormenting process of falling out of love.

i always thought that break-ups are suppose to happen in movies but not to me. when it finally happened, i felt as though someone had just crushed  my heart, tearing it to pieces.  i was badly hurt. crying is something i do not usually indulge in, but the last few months, i have collected buckets of tears. a broken heart is almost the equivalent of grief. i wanted to change things and make them right but i don't know how. good sleep is hard to come by and crying to sleep has been a nightly habit. my emotions are all over the place.

i yearn for yesteryears  when all was right and perfect (or so i thought) in my world. i miss the happy girl that i was. not having my ex in my life just don't seem right. as in resembling a gloomy day in July! i crave for the moments of togetherness, when nothing else matters but the two of us.

healing a broken heart is not a simple course to take especially if you still love the person. whatever awful things that had materialized, they will withstand with the good that they have. love is a decision and forgiveness is a choice. everyday you love and everyday you forgive. not all love stories are derived from one's fanciful mind. yes, fairy tales do falter sometimes. but no matter how many times love fails me, i will persevere, endure and get on with it. lastly, love is candidly and plainly forgiving and accepting things.

in life

I haven't been in a blog mode for quite sometime now. Truthfully, there is so much to divulge and reveal from my recent predicament. On the positive side, i could not be oblivious of the lessons i have gained and how it taught me about the complexities and intricacies of life. Never ending, should i say.

One of these days, i will be again glued to this seat, face to face with my computer and drafting my fresh entry on my strife and how, up to now, i am coping and trying to live each day with conviction. I am honestly struggling and striving to come out adequate and pleasant in the eyes of other people.

In the meantime, i will try my best to take my first step in moving forward and piling up enough motivation and inspiration to keep me going in life. I am full of hope. My faith will deliver me wherever i want to go in life. I will always believe in love, with no explanations and no hesitations. Enough said.

Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou is an American author and poet. She is best known for her autobiographical books. Her works are inspiring, uplifting and encouraging. Indeed, a phenomenal woman!
I have compiled some of the greatest Maya Angelou quotes and I am sharing it to you:

• “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

•  “I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."

•   “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” 

•  “Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” 

•  “You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it. ” 

•  “I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.” 

•  “I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life'.” 

•  “Nothing will work unless you do.” 

•  “To those who have given up on love: I say, "Trust life a little bit.” 

•  “Love life. Engage in it. Give it all you've got. Love it with a passion because life truly does give back, many times over, what you put into it.” 

 
But my personal favorite Maya Angelou quote of all time:
        
    “I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.”
     

Epic Fail

Life is not perfect. Not everything i wish in life can be granted. Its complexities and predicaments are bottomless. Its obscurities and mysteries are fathomless. Bumpy roads are boundless and is making me weary. When love can no longer sustain and conquer unknown battles, then its disastrous. Epic fail!

Almost there. Like uncovering the hidden pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Like building castles in the sand in near completion. Like sweet dreams close to realization. Like a journey bordering on the supposed destination. But then, the rain begun pouring. The ocean flowed washing away built castles.
Suddenly awaken from a deep sleep, with a vivid dream. And the car rolled to a halt.

Nothing left but pain. When its more real, its more painful, they say. Happiness is fleeting and tricky. Play along. Hope unceasingly. And love persistently. God invented tomorrows, new beginnings and happy endings.



Photo credit: KC Concepcion

to blog or not to blog

days off from work is perfect for commencing a fresh and new blog post. that means i have something to rant or rave about. since this morning, i have been contemplating on what topic to write. i often find myself freezing in front of the computer with nothing in mind. so i decided, i might as well talk about blogging.

i call myself a blogger but not a pro. i write informally and casually with an unpredictable subject matter. i do not highlight grammar rules, punctuations and spellings. and my blog doesn't even attract a vast audience. i do not have guiding principles to live by in writing blogs. most of my chosen topics are randomly picked. but when i am either blissful or in a low state, then my desire to write is intensified.

just recently, my bf was a bit in awe or maybe shocked is a better word, after going through my blog site. it came as a surprise to him that i actually put my thoughts into writing. hahahaha!!! talk about discovering the other side of me. i mean the positive side of me, i hope. writing defines a part of me but not all of me. it will be an incessant journey for us unearthing each other's strengths and weaknesses.

not all my subject materials are engaging and inherently interesting. not at all times i make sense and easy to comprehend. and my writing style may not be witty and appealing. but then again, i just want to write. i consider myself fortunate that i am actually doing something that i love. this is what i call real fulfillment and joy!

the blogger cat is sleepy now. ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....!!!!



Note: All photos were taken from the web. The blogger does not claim ownership of the photos used in this blog.

at my lowest point

Giving up is the closest option at this point. When everything else seems wrong and untimely, then I start questioning. Life is beautiful -- a cliche that is too good to be true. Perhaps lasting a relatively brief time. As in a catnap, you're suddenly awaken and pressing the snooze button is a necessity. Problems call for my attention from time to time. On a personal level, I am too preoccupied with the aspects of my life that are not going well for me. I still haven't got the hangs of it. And I am still learning the ropes. I am truthfully, still struggling and almost spilled out. I have cried and even wept. Even went to work sobber. I have done unintentional mistakes and hurt people. To which I regret at the end of the day. I am doing all that I could in my routine life in the hope of better consequences. But each time I wake up, then I realize that the world is still the same. None of my expectations came about and materialized. So tiring and debilitating.

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." This quote sounds funny but packed with sense. So, when life hands me lemons, what would I do with it? Be thankful for sure for its free. But if lemons represent trials and hardships, would I still be appreciative of the sweet gesture? Maybe not anymore. But maybe, I can still make the best out of bad or severe situation. Turning bad things into good ones and viewing life on a different perspective. After all, life is not perfect. Aiming for perfection is impossible. It is elusive and futile. Easier said than done, i know. To end, i must say that when life hands me lemons, I'll ask for salt and tequila!